Real Women Wear Hard Hats.

Otherwise known as:

Day 6 with No Ciggies

Holy Jeebus, I do believe I've quit smoking! There have been some ugly moments in there for sure but following the advice of one of the Oldtimers, I made up my mind to go through whatever I had to go through. I also like the Nic-Anon mantra of "The cravings will pass whether you smoke a cigarette or not." That's helped. Overall, it's been pretty by the book. The first 72 hours were when the cravings were the worst. After that they got manageable but repressed emotions started popping up for review. On Sunday night I got hit with a wave of grief so palpable I felt like someone had just informed me of my mother's untimely death. It was that real. I just couldn't stop crying, so I hit my knees and prayed for guidance. I've heard that this sort of thing happens, grieving for Drugs and Alcohol like they're real people, but this was a first for me. After the spell passed I climbed into bed and scraped together whatever hours of sleep I could manage before work.

Which leads me directly into: My Promotion. On Day 2 of No Ciggies, The Powers That Be called me in to discuss my permanence within the company and matters of monetary importance. In laymen's terms, I got a raise and a new fancy title. It was actually really nice (although it stressed me out and gave me 45 nic-fits in quick succession) and I felt very appreciated and supported. There was one quick moment of internal hilarity when The Big Guy said, "We have a new policy for new hires. You don't mind submitting to a drug test and a background check, do you?" My soul smiled at that one. For the first time in a long time a drug test is no problem. Background check? Meh. There could be anything on there, really. I've turned that one over to my HP. They don't want to lose me and if I have to explain embarrassing incidents, I will. Honestly, I have no idea what could be there. No arrests, but my credit report is nearly criminal. And given the fact that I'm getting ready to start my 4th step I'm feeling extremely grateful that their not hiring me off of the contents of that!

I very much need to buy some new work clothes yet I find myself competely unwilling to go shopping. And the times I have dragged myself out to go shopping I have been so reluctant to lay down my credit card and commit to my purchases. Where is my gender given "shop till you drop" gene? Can they revoke my ovaries for this? I have money and I have genuine need of new clothes. What is my damage here? I even know exactly what I want to get. I'm working out a new personal style I like to call "Construction Chic". This, for me anyways, is the ultimate fusion of functionality and fashion. (I've put alot of thought into this, can you tell?) I'm going to be on a REAL DEAL construction site so I need to be dressed appropriately. Work boots, khakis or cargos or corduroys, hard hats, all of it. I've found that Uggs can easily be substituted for Timberlands with no drop in comfort or stability, and Gap Wide Leg khakis make for sturdy yet feminine work pants. After that all I need are a few new sweaters and hoodies because the site is unheated and BALL FREEZING this time of year. See how crazy this is? I even have my purchases picked out and I won't buy them. Hmmm.

That's really it. I'm still working on synthesizing all areas of my life. Sobriety, Work, Yoga, Play, and Love are all demanding equal amounts of my time. My life is close to being synchronous, but I have to remind myself continuously that it is a Day at a Time. I have the most power for change available to me in this day, this moment. I can't believe I'm about to type this BUT as long as I do my damndest to make each day better than the last, I'm on the right track. And with that incredibly cheesy sentiment expressed, I'm out.

Hoping all is well and off to read Johno's 4th step blog entries!

xoxo Me