Whew....I've pulled out of that one just in time. What is that "one" I'm referring too? Ummm, that would be the weird funk/depression/mind fuck that completely consumed my 6th month of sobriety. I can't say all's been lost. I'm still sober. I feel stronger, and all around more enlightened to the true nature of my inner self right now. All the pseudo-spiritual jargon what-have-you's aside I've been through something incredibly profound. I've grown up.
I wouldn't say it happened in the last month alone, but it's been the past 4 weeks where I've really felt the growing pains. I didn't realize that's what was happening. I thought I was experiencing some sort of total mental collapse. Last week at this time, I would have sworn to you I had no central nervous system left. What with all the pacing, sobbing, and newly developed nervous tics. That shit was oogly and baffling to boot! I had no idea where it was coming from. One week I was on this massive social bender; drinking coffee until 4 in the morning with cute boys, female bonding sleepovers, and meetings out the yahoo. Fellowship, bitches! And then, with not so much as a whisper of warning, I changed my mind. I started retreating from newly developed friendships, I started throwing around excuses not to go to my favorite meetings. (Although, it must be said, getting routinely bitched out by a 6'2" tranny while trying to get programmed seemed like a completely valid excuse at the time).
I started spending more time in bed. I started crying. And once the tears started flowing, I wasn't sure they were going to stop. I spent entire nights crying at my walls. I was completely incapable of carrying on a conversation with Mama Dearest w/o dissolving into hysterics.
"Mom, it's bad. Seriously, I've never in my life been this low before....I'm just in so much pain..."
That was the God's honest truth. I was in huge amounts of pain and the first thought that sprang to mind was, "Now would be an excellent time to relapse."
Sigh. Feelings suck.
I didn't relapse, I've climbed out of my pity pit, and I'm slowly putting the pieces back together. Alot can go awry in four weeks of self-destructive sobbing! Rent can go unpaid, flights tend to remain unbooked, dishes stay unwashed. Everything stagnates, life-wise, without the bare minimum effort required. I've learned this the hardway.
But the solution...oh the solution's been glorious...more on that to come....
xoxo Ingenue
(The solution has involved lots of Dr. Wayne Dyer, Yoga, Raw Foods, Parliament Lights, and Prayer. This is the recipe for a total miracle, let me tell you...:)
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I miss you! Happy birthday! did you leave myspace? i think I emailed you on facebook..so many social networking sites so little time..how are you angel? I love you! Teresita xxxx
AA - HOUSE OF SATAN
God's Sword of Truth - The Word
Alcoholics Anonymous
By The Holy Spirit's Disciple,
Raymond Laginess
"KNOW WE NOT THAT THE UNRIGHTEOUS SHALL NOT INHERIT THE KINGDOM OF GOD?"
. . . BE NOT DECEIVED: . . . NEITHER DRUNKARDS . . .SHALL INHERIT THE KINGDOM OF GOD".
1 CORINTHIANS 6:9-10
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is not of the Lord...it is not Christian, and is, in fact, against the Spirit of Christianity. One cannot be a Christian and belong to AA. AA is of the devil. Its "Twelve Rules" are evil, and (like religious laws or rules) positively saves no one.
AA was co-founded in 1935 by 2 men; Dr. Bob Smith and Bill Wilson, as a fellowship. It has religious and social rules, covering social sin with a philosophy of principles, which were brought to AA from the Oxford Group where it all began.
In China, in 1918, Frank Buchman, a Lutheran minister from Pennsylvania began holding a series of meetings called "house parties", or informal gathering of friends in an attempt to bring about a revival of what he thought to be 1st Century Christianity, therefore His group's first name - "First Century Christian Fellowship". Actually, this was the very first group of Alcoholics Anonymous, better known as the "Christian Fellowship". This group was founded by the rich for the rich and had a Cult (religious) basis, as it still does today under the title of AA.
Frank Buchman, the leader of the group was very involved in the Oxford Group (same as AA), but never claimed any ties to the internationally prestigious Oxford University (New World Order ties). Members of this group felt they had a "patriotic" duty to dedicate their lives to being the bearers of the secret of sanity and all those who oppossed their plans for "world peace" (Oxford Group's world domination) were public enemies, thus, this was considered a "moral crusade".
They began with the "five C's" (methods of help) for those who were too insane to join on their own, and once helped with the 5 C's, they could live sanely, in accordance with these procedures. They also had the "4 absolutes" - Absolute Purity, Absolute Honesty, Absolute Unselfishness and Absolute Love, their yardstick of sanity, something to judge ones actions and thoughts. The five C's: Confidence, Confession, Conviction, Conversion, and Conservation, were the "scientific" method of "changing ones life" , or making the insane sane, presented in an Oxford Group manual called "Soul Surgery."
You can see, according to their methods, that these men were doomed to becoming insane and that alcohol or drugs was a "medicine to illiminate a guilt feeling". And to this "Groups" way of thinking, there is no "born again" chance in life....they told society then and they are telling us now...."once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic"....or "once a drug addict, always a drug addict" or "once"some form or type of "habitual addiction, always an addiction".
True Christianity (knowing Jesus Christ as Saviour) was never a cure to them. What they are saying, through their program, is that the Holy Spirit could never cure them, when in actuality, the alcohol or drugs was never the cause to begin with. In plain words, the CAUSE IS SIN. They used, and still use, their organization as a crutch of Satan....or as a tool of Satan, to control the flesh and the soul.
Alcohol makes you a victim of Satan, but the ONLY CURE IS JESUS CHRIST. It is the Holy Spirit Who helps you overcome the flesh and Satan. . . .and needs NO RULES OR LAWS OR 5 C's OR 4 ABSOLUTES! The tools of the systems of men (even like man's religion) simply place you in bondage, under Satan. In Christ there are no addictions, only forgiveness. To be "free" in Christ ...that is true "freedom" from all addictions of the world. "Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage." - Gal. 5:1.
You do not have to join a group of bureaucrats in order to be "saved" from anything.....salvation comes through Jesus Christ only! You just need Jesus and His Spirit in your daily life, and if you live Christ every day, then you will overcome all things of the flesh and the world. You could still have a drink and not be an alcoholic. "All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any." - I Cor. 6:12.
Alcohol is not the sin...man is. Man can be saved, and he already has been, by Jesus Who was crucified on the tree. "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." - 2 Cor. 5:17. "For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him." - 2 Cor 5:21. If you accept this in faith, and live it daily, then you become a Christian, not an Anonymous Alcoholic. Christian is NOT a religion...it's a belief by "faith". Living Christ-like every day of your life is putting on the Spiritual Armour, the Breastplate of righteousness to wear against the battle of the flesh!
"But let us, who are of the day, be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love; and for an helmet, the hope of salvation. For God hath not appointed us to wrath, but to obtain salvation by our Lord Jesus Christ, Who died for us...." - 2 Thess. 5:810
I, PATRICK, AM THE LIVING FOUNDATION STONE OF THE CHURCH.
THE 12 STEPS DOWN TO HELL
12 Step recovery programs are a slow slide into the jaws of Satan. I was involved with the evil “satanic cult” [AA] for over 30 years but was SAVED through the power of JESUS CHRIST.
He directed me to a therapist who was into “real” recovery, not the mind destroying, soul destroying, cult, which is AA. I have met two Steppers recently & I imagine they are completely devoid of any emotion or insight.
I feel pain because both these men are decent human beings but AA has destroyed their BRAIN STRUCTURE & they have no idea how to relate apart from expounding AA propaganda.
I imagine Hell to be a continuous flow of AA meetings without any light at the end of the tunnel because one is never REDEEMED. I beg you to get out (AA) before it is too late.
How does one recover when one is handing one’s power over to AA. The 12 Steps were written out of Wilson’s head, he certainly didn’t get his guidance from the Bible. I imagine he was an agent of Satan & he & Smith’s “cult religion” has filled millions of Steppers with their anti - Christ propaganda.
Step Three of AA is "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him." While many in the Oxford Group placed their faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour, there was much leeway given. Shoemaker, a leader of the Oxford Group, says, "The true meaning of faith is self-surrender to God." He further explains:
Surrender to whatever you know about Him, or believe must be the truth about Him. Surrender to Him, if necessary, in total ignorance of Him. Far more important that you touch Him than that you understand Him at first. Put yourself in His hands. Whatever He is, as William James said, He is more ideal than we are. Make the leap. Give yourself to Him.
Aside from capitalizing the "H," which Christians do to refer to the God of the Bible, "Him" could refer to any god of one’s own making [BEDPAN].
Can you see what is happening to you? Ask Jesus to take control of your life, read the Bible & instead of 12 Step groups, go to Church. Burn your Big Book or use it as toilet paper.
Can you see the difference: With The 12 Steps, you never recover but with John 3:16 you are guaranteed Eternal Salvation. The “ball is in your court"?
I, PATRICK, AM THE HOLY ONE OF GOD.
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