I think I am, in any case. What I mean to say is, I met a really great guy and we had an amazing dinner. And then we had great coffee/convo, we even went to a bar. He had a Guinness. I had a Diet Coke. We kissed outside the train station and he asked to see me the next day. I went over to his place and we watched two movies, ate another amazing meal, and enthusiastically made out. And now, nothing.
I am aware of Mainstream Society's "dating rules" but honestly, I've never really been fucked to follow them. I mean, I am an alcoholic. There aren't many perks with this disease but wanton, drunken promiscuity definitely eliminated the need for small talk. And the Blackout/Shame Spirals the next day didn't leave much to the imagination as to why there was never a morning after call. I have an educated guess.
Every once in a while even the most sloppy of girl drunks will cross paths with a boy every bit as destructive as she is and then you have Co-Dependent Alchoholic Co-Habitation. Works a treat! People can hang onto this sort of arrangement for years. It's usually very on/off but who's counting when you have someone willing to stick around and be the whipping boy to your suppressed rage? Have you ever had a drunken fistfight with your s/o followed by sloppy make-up sex and a nice deep black out? There's nothing to match the bonding moment of waking up with your partner in crime, both of your memories mysteriously wiped clean, wondering out loud together why the sofa in now wrong side up in the bathtub. Good shit, my friends. Good shit.
But this is no longer my modus operandi. I'm sober and one of those bad-boys I used to obsess over would likely scare the bejesus out of me today. So I'm dating. And it blows! I'm not proud to say I'm obsessing over a return text message, but there it is. It's terribly distracting. Also, the swoon of sober infatuation feels frighteningly close to some sort of high. And the problem with getting high? The law of gravity says you must come down. Down, down, down.
Egads.
Ingenue
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