Apparently my BF lived a past life (or three) as a Yogic Master. I know this because yesterday I went through a yoga practice with him and for someone experiencing yogi karma for the first time he sure seemed to know what's up. I've been totally obsessed with the idea of getting A into yoga since I first met him. This is mostly because I think all hot men should be required to practice yoga religiously. This is to balance out the yoga studio populations. It's all hot yogini chickadees and unappealing large, sweaty, and hairy guys. I feel a compulsion to do everything I can to redress this situation.
Anyhow, yesterday A dove right into a 30 minute Baron Baptiste routine and I was there to help. I am certainly NOT a yoga instructor but I've been instructed and surprisingly it is a fairly intuitive thing to guide another body through a series. Maybe it's easier if you've been engaging in lots of marathon style lovemaking with the person in question, I really don't know. What I do know is this: that 30 minutes of doing yoga with A was one of the most expansive, intimate experiences I have ever had. It was unbelievable. It was beyond the beyonds. I hope it was as good for him as it was for me.
I don't know if I've mentioned it or not yet but my baby has an unreal body. Tall, broad shouldered, lean hipped, and built like a Greek god; A is every woman's first fantasy man. You know how nice guys always complain that we ladies screw them over for the bad boys? And you know how we can never really defend ourselves because it's kind of true? And you know how at some point we identify that all we really want is someone who looks like a motorcycle riding rebel but has a golden heart and saves kittens from fires and such? That's him! That's A! And he has a Brooklyn accent. How hot is that? Seriously.
So seeing my tattooed, perfectly muscled, and shirtless boyfriend get his vinyasa on for the first time was nothing short of thrilling for me. I thought he might be a little, ahem, hesitant. I was so wrong, his body instinctively moved all the right ways. Now and then I'd lift up a stray arm to move him into a commanding Warrior 2. My favorite was holding his arms over his head as he stretched into his first Lunging Backbend. I could feel the power coming off of him and it was amazing. By that point it was no big shocker tho, I knew all bets were off when 5 minutes into the practice A got up into Crow Pose and held it for 90 seconds with no complaint! WTF?!?!? Three years it's taken me to do that and I still wobble.
It was so good. It was a beautiful thing to witness. It was a priceless moment to share and it wouldn't have happened with just anyone. This is the kind of energy that exists between the two of us and it's somehow healing and intoxicating at the same time. It isn't always easy but when is it ever? Feeling so comfortable and elevated alone with A in our yoga-gasm brought into sharp relief exactly how conflicted I've been about this relationship.
I take alot of grief in my AA group about dating this early. In case you weren't aware if you're single when you first get sober prevailing recovery wisdom wants you to stay single for a long time. Like, at least a year, long time. I don't even have 90 days sober yet and I met A about two months ago. We've been dating for six weeks. These are not the types of things you tell AA old timers w/o expecting to catch some serious flack. And while they are certainly not wrong about how dangerous dating can be for a newly recovered alchie, I'm starting to know that I'm not wrong about A. My sobriety is first and foremost, it will always have to be. If I'm not sober I don't get to keep A, I don't get to keep my yoga, I don't get to keep any of the love or grace I've recovered. If I'm not sober I get more darkness, more black-outs, more suffering. I totally know this and I'm profoundly grateful for the self-knowledge.
I also know that what's happening between me and A doesn't happen that often in a lifetime because I've never experienced it before. Past that? Men like A don't exist in large numbers yet and if they do they ARE NOT going to be found in Manhattan. There is a serious drought of conscious, masculine, loving, visionary beings out here. A isn't like any man I've ever met before and I know that I'm an important part of his story right now. He's got so much to give this world. Just being himself day in, day out; he changes everything. And I don't want to freaking apologize for the fact I've fallen in love anymore! With a man like this, how could I not? Honestly, how long was I supposed to hold out?
He's a vegetarian, he's getting his yoga fix, he loves me, and he's a freaking genius in bed. And I am sober. I'm doing all of this SOBER! I can feel every feeling, good and bad. When we make love I feel every insecurity and every orgasmic shudder like it's happening in technicolor. This is my life and this is how I want to live it. So grateful.....
Of course A and I may not work out, who ever got a guarantee on a New Love? The point is, I would regret it forever if I didn't follow my heart into this man's arms. Some things you can chicken out of, but not this. So I'm sure you'll understand if I politely refuse any well-meaning worry. Please don't take it personally, it's me. Not you! I know it's coming from a loving place but I really do need to follow my own counsel on this one. If you ever have the pleasure of seeing A doing sun salutes in nothing but his sweat pants, you'll get it. Believe me, you'll get it.
Bursting in love, joy, and absolute bliss-
Me
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